April 25, 2025

okay it’s been tough since some weeks when I had finally left my job and was being jobless again but this time with some money I had from my salary but it’s almost done and here I’m heading to somewhere else, a train journey. I don’t know if it’s universe doing all this like getting me to somewhere out of nowhere. Quitting my job just before the outing to which I wasn’t even invited at first but got one after quitting my job and in between all this, the savings I had were going away from me.

I don’t know if it’s the beginning of something but if it is then I really want it to be really good like something I manifested long time back something positive,something that aligns this time with me.

This year is actually a surprising one like not going as planned but still interesting till now, I must say.

Let’s see what this outing brings in!!

March 16,2025

This phase of my life where I don’t have enough time to overthink much and have negative thoughts as I’m running busy nowadays and it’s actually great. Hope this new phase brings a lot of opportunities I deserve and let me enjoy them all and never go back to my lowest again hereafter.

Hope this phase brings me a lot of peace and this year probably gonna be my year the year where I literally achieve a lot more.

January 8, 2025

Life has been playing a seesaw for the past few weeks, it’s been a roller coaster of emotions lately. I can’t figure out what’s exactly happening in my mind, whether it’s happening for good or bad or it’s trying to teach me something new.

Well I don’t have any clarity regarding this, hope this storm passes quickly and my mind comes back to the normal state, I hope this year I get to see the good side of life, the life my soul deserves. This year I really wanna achieve my goals and make myself proud at least.

Hope everything happens for good!!

December 18, 2024

The year is almost coming to an end and here I’m with the same issues running through my life hoping for something good to happen but as usual whenever I ask for something or wish for something to happen it’s never gonna be in my favour like seriously to even die I should have something worthy to end this life for.

On a second thought I think if life is giving me lemons let’s try mixing it with vodka and see what happens and then I can get ahead of this boredom life which I’m in right now. Maybe now soon or never I wish for certain things to happen.

Leaving the rest of the days of the year now I’m just trying to figure out how to end this negativity inside my body by the end of this year. I need to find some way to do so and have that high vibrations which I used to have in me.

Well I’m not planning or having much hope as it can ruin me. So I’ll just wait if things are in my favour so I take that big shot and do something productive..

December 5, 2024

It’s been days isn’t? Well it’s hectic living a life like these and actually a bit alert too because for the last few days everything is going well and my sixth sense says something is fishy, when something of this sort happens it’s the calmness before the disaster.

To be honest I’m mentally drained and even though I’m alert but not in any mood to face anything worse than I’m in now like seriously I’m done with this shit life a very long time back so something worse than this will literally gonna be my end. If that’s coming than I have no worries I mean I can literally be normal and done with life forever.

Leave rest of the year I literally thought December will give me the peace, the joy I need the most in these time but the dues are high I guess, need to pay more for my sins and I think it’s a life time settlement, it will only end with me. If that’s for real I would like to end this life as quick as possible.

Hope this ends soon!

November 16,2024

Well, moving on to the next phase of life some things will stick to you no matter how hard you try to remove it.

Some things come back to your life even though it left you behind a long time back. The question is why did they come back? Does this life really have the right wrong timing theory happening to me Or is it just testing whether I’m healing right or not? I don’t know what’s happening with me, how I should react to this.

On second thought I don’t think even though those people come back into my life will make any difference. I don’t think I can fully accept them or they can fully Accommodate me. It’s been a long time, a lot of things have changed in life and in me. Getting back to them or having a patch will literally lead to more problems so it’s better I don’t see them and they don’t either.

I hope they are living their life in a better way and so am I trying to cope up with it so it’s better I don’t disturb them and they don’t do it too.

I don’t have any hope in life but I guess I have paid  for my sins and the karma is done with me.I feel so it’s high time I get some good vibes ahead.

November 6,2024

Oh well it’s been a long since I shared something, in the last six months it’s the first time maybe I’m taking such a long gap. I didn’t had anything new happening,just hanging around with the usuals and so on.

Life has been bit loose, I mean a little bit soft on some scenes. Well it’s a good sign I guess but I’m a bit scared too you know when life gives some good it always has that bad ready to happen or maybe waiting as if to explode right after something good happening.

Somethings are meant to be, no matter what you do, who you’re with currently, if it’s meant to be it will happen for sure.

Well looking forward to a good vibes this November, hopefully waiting for those to happen which can actually give the best vibes of the year.

Let’s see what’s waiting for me and how far I’ll go!

October 20,2024

And after that I never disturbed them, for some they never disturbed me, it’s nothing because we both realised that chasing love was not worth losing peace. We both preferred not to talk again because we started to take care of ourselves.

I have been with a lot of girls, not as a playboy or chick magnet don’t take it wrong. For some reason they were right, the problems lie within me I was the one who didn’t handle it well and gave them wrong signals which made them close to me where I should have said a clear no. But I literally wanted someone to love and to be loved but none of them worked out well.

Now when I think while being in their shoes with my perspective I realized that why would they choose me again? I mean why would someone come and get hurt, I used to think about the fact that the right people,wrong timing theory should be taken into consideration but the fact is they are right for me and I’m not for them. They deserve better, something worth their happiness.

Unfortunately I can’t do anything but to apologize again and again but they can’t forgive me for what I did. The scars that I gave them, maybe they’re healed but have not vanished. I hope they never get to see my face again because I believe that they’re living their life joyfully and I don’t want to be a spoiler for their peace.

I believe in karma so whatever shit is going on in my life, I hope it’s the payback for the wrong deeds I have done. Instead of finding the right one, I went for the perfect one which came out as a worst nightmare for me as well as them too.

The one thing I want to say to all of you which I don’t think and I don’t want to say to you in person is I apologize for whatever I did to you, I know I can’t fix it but I’ll try my best to not come in front or by any chance you get to see me again. I’ll make sure I do that well! !

October 16, 2024

What to say? Is there any possible way to know how long this life is gonna be or how long I should live like this until it ends for me?

I ain’t got any hope left in life, feels like I’m in a never ending loop which is never gonna end. I’m done trying, my brain is not working anymore. I can’t think of anything nowadays, I don’t know why or how I’m doing this but it’s so much of problems. Maybe it’s in my head or real or maybe I’m just bluffing all this in my mind or maybe the situations are not in favour, I ,I don’t know like seriously I can’t even figure out what to do or what I want or whatever.

I think I’m wasting my time existing here but can’t even guess what the hell I can do other than breathing at the moment. Does life become so unfair that you can’t any hope to live but at the same time you don’t have the guts to end it also?

October 9,2024

Have you ever tried that plum cake which has the black cherry inside, I don’t like that cherry so what I use to do is remove all those cherries and then eat. As time went by I realised that to just eat a cake I used to remove those and when It came to life I literally became so dumb that I didn’t even realise I have been with people who literally had those black cherries in them.

I don’t know where I went wrong, what I didn’t notice, how I should have reacted to certain situations when they were getting out of control.

Let me ask you this, do some people deserve second chances in your life? Like should I believe in the label ‘right people, wrong timing’?

Whenever I think of the past times I recall the bond I had with the people but at the same time I remember the disrespect they gave me but I too did them the same or maybe a little more to few people. Thinking of all these tragedies, just like tsunami hits, those people pop up out of nowhere and literally hit so hard to the boundaries you have created  for people around you. What to do? Like seriously how would I act this scene?

The people whom I want to come back are not even bothered about me and the ones whom I never want to see again literally beating around the bush. Maybe that’s what life is all about, we all are connected to each other. The people I don’t want back in life are the same as the people who don’t want me in their life again. Thinking in this pattern gives more clarification to some situations.

On another note I also think of the fact what if it’s the right person, wrong timing theory? What if it’s the beginning of the right person, the right timing era? Should I consider them again? Well I can’t come to any conclusion anytime soon!

When things like this happen I usually give it all to life like give me a sign that should be evident, clear and direct but then I figure out that my life has been in hang mode for the last few ages.

I have no idea what I should do. I don’t want to be sorry for the decision I made, I already have plenty of problems and I don’t want to add one more to the cart. Is there any other possible way I can find out what I should do in circumstances like this?

For how long I’m gonna get this set of questions again and again in life? Will I ever be able to find any answers or is it just a Q & Q session?